So the man in your life has taken up the dreaded game of poker. To many women this spells widowhood – lonesome evenings and weekends without your guy, while he bluffs, check-raises and goes all-in on the felt or online. To make it even worse, you are subjected to a detailed hand-by-hand dissection of his game when he returns. Any free time is spent honing his skills, reading poker magazines and watching poker on TV.
Many a woman has lost her man to this seemingly innocuous card game, but it doesn’t have to be the death knell of your relationship. When life gives you lemons, bring on the tequila. Here are ten advantages of being a poker widow:
- Pampering – Many poker tournaments take place at luxury resorts with adjoining health spas. No doubt a service offered out of sympathy for the battalions of poker widows. Seize the opportunity. Bone up on the poker tournaments at resorts that offer these services and entice your man into playing there. Your regular facial and beauty treatments can now take place at five-star hotels.
- A lifetime of simple gift ideas – Books, chipsets, dogs playing poker pictures, card protectors, DVDs, cards, even ashtrays and a plethora of poker paraphernalia will make gift buying a cinch.
- Poker guilt – Play on it. Make him feel guilty about all the time he spends at the felt instead of with you and insist on punitive damages after each game. Dinner at the restaurant of your choice should suffice, but ban any talk that even hints at how he played in his last game.
- Girl’s day out – Suddenly you are presented with hours of leisure time. Shopping, lunch, tea, movies, sushi, sun tanning, reading, snoozing or anything else that tickles your fancy. If he insists on serenading you with how his game went, give him a shop-by-shop account of your day.
- Take up the game – Anyone can play poker and women have proved to be as good as men, and often better. Included is quality time with your mate, and even better is infuriating him when you chase down that nut flush draw and crack his pocket rockets!
- Stunning holidays – Encourage your guy to play better poker and soon he may be jetting off to exotic foreign poker tournaments. Global poker tournaments are hosted in Marrakech, Macau, Monte Carlo, Venice, Cyprus and more. Plant the seed that he should definitely be playing in one of these tournaments as he's that good, and chances are he’ll be whipping out the fantastic plastic before you can say Schengen.
- Capital gains – If your man is good enough and practices long and hard enough, he can make a decent amount of cash from poker. For example, every player on the 2009 World Series of Poker final table will pocket a minimum of $1 million, with the final prize being over $8 million. This year, South African Warren Zackey came 22nd and walked away with just under R3 million.
- Right back at ya – Next time he scoffs incredulously at the price tag of your new Jimmy Choo shoes, you can casually mention that he has “invested” (read: lost) an equally large amount in his latest losing streak... possibly equal to the GDP of a small African nation.
- It's glamorous – You could soon be hobnobbing with the superstars in Vegas or right here at home with the likes of local poker celebs Danny K and Neil Andrews. Additionally, casinos are well known for spoiling players with comps of upgrades to luxury penthouses, free meals, limo rides and more.
- It could be worse – Imagine he suddenly took a shine to drag racing! Weekends spent at the Tarlton Raceway, surrounded by exhaust fumes and mullet hairstyles, are utter hell in comparison to being a poker widow.
By: Rob Dickens, BLUFF Magazine